i promised myself that id blog more

because it keeps track of though and becuase it alows thought to flow in an organized fashion that frees my mind and comforts my spirit.

Thinking, seriously starting to think that you really can do to much of it, an unhealthy amount of it. Non stop cycleing, that silly mouse you see at the pet store non stop spinning on that sqeeky wheel. thats my brain, non stop, non medicated, fully aware

Its the sqeeking really that is the annoying part right, i mean plus the fact that hes running in circles, but thats only because he is trapped, i mean lets look at it this way...

There is this little mouse, stuck in a glass cage, thats our current debts, agreements, contracts, they kinda tie us down we can so a limited amount of thing within these confinements but somehow we CHOSE these confinements, for the most part we chose our school debt so that we could get a good education, we chose our car loan so we could have freedom, and we chose our job so that we could feel (key word) secure.

The more annoying thing to me is the squeaking, the fact that i cant just run in circles if i like running (or thinking) that there is always lubrication that needs to be applied to the damn wheel in order for the action of running to be efficient and fully enjoyed.

There are many things that act as lubricant in this world for our "sticky situations" that we wish would work more efficiently for us. almost all are temporary solutions similar to WD-40 on a door hinge.

I am still longing for a permanent solution. God is my lubricant i know this, his people, being in communion with them is when i find great joy. RELATIONSHIPS with strangers, friends, with fellow believers, with the one you are dating, THIS is the most important thing i hold dear and close to me. They are the lubricant to my wheel, right now my friendships need attention, i feel as if we are all off on our own, forgetting times that were and not planning any times to come. for this i am greatly saddened...

I dont even know what to right really i KNOW i cant finish it with that though for i would not be able to be seen as the true optimist that i am. I know seasons are more that what makes the flowers bloom, and the snow come for me to play in. They happen in life to, so as i am in this season of seeking still, seeking friendships, experience , relationship, i will remain optimistic, i will seek out your companionship and together we will go on an adventure seeking thrills and understanding.

love.